An Original Scene by Amy Alls
Lights up on Jack, who is pacing with a bottle of Jack Daniels (or some other whiskey) and looking at his watch. Maggie enters shortly thereafter.
Jack (rushing to the door and standing in the doorway)-Finally. What took you so long?
Maggie-Well, I have a job. That usually takes at least 8 hours out of my day. (sarcastically) Sorry to inconvenience you.
Jack-God, you’re such a smart ass.
Maggie (noticing the bottle in Jack’s hand)-Starting early today, I see?
Jack-What? Oh. Yeah, that. I need to talk to you.
Maggie-Can I come in the door first?
Jack-Oh. (Jack steps out of the doorway so Maggie can enter the room)
Maggie-What’s up?
Jack-I’ve been thinking.
Maggie-Not again.
Jack-Shut up. No. Seriously. Listen to me.
Maggie (annoyed)-I’m listening.
Jack-Why do you have to be such a bitch?
Maggie-Is this what you want to talk about? I just got home and I really don’t feel up to-
Jack-No, but---I’m trying to talk to you about something and you just keep acting like---
Maggie-Myself? The same way I always act?
Jack-Yes---No, I mean---could you just let me talk, please?
Maggie-Like I said, I’m listening.
Jack (pauses and gets very serious)-It’s time.
Maggie (impatiently)-Time for what?
Jack-I said shut up!
Maggie-Well, I’m not a mind reader. Time for what? What is it time for Jack?
Jack-Shit. This is too complicated. Here. (hands her the bottle of whiskey)
Maggie-Cool. Thanks. What’s this for?
Jack-Let’s play a game.
Maggie-Star Wars drinking game again? I’m really not in the mood to hear Luke’s whining.
Jack-Not exactly.
Maggie-Okay, well, what game do you want to play?
Jack-How drunk do we have to get to...(using gestures and hoping she’ll guess what he wants to say)
Maggie (leering)-To what?
Jack (pauses, then sighs realizing he has to say it)-to fuck. How drunk would we have to get to fuck.
Maggie (laughs, but seems slightly intrigued)-What? Are you serious?
Jack-Yes. I’m serious. We’ve been playing games for over a year now. Our tension has mounted to everything but that and I just want to know what it would take for us to finally just go through with it.
Maggie-Jack, you’re my best friend.
Jack-I know all that bullshit and I know that it’s never a good idea to sleep with friends, but…I can’t stand you anymore. I hate you because I can’t live without you. I hate you because I’ve fallen in love with you and I don’t want to get back up until the deed is done. I don’t want to get back up unless I know for absolute certain that we do not connect in that way. Maggie, you know what I’m talking about.
Maggie drops the bottle and kisses Jack passionately. They exit the stage temporarily as someone walks across with a sign that says “20 minutes later.”
Maggie comes back out first with her hair tasseled, followed by Jack, topless, zipping his zipper and buttoning his jeans. Maggie picks up the bottle of whiskey. She walks over to a cabinet and pulls out two glasses, pouring whiskey into each one.
Maggie-Let’s play a game.
Jack-How drunk do we have to get to forget what we just did?
The two friends smile, clink glasses and swallow their whiskey down in one gulp.
Lights down.
End.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
I Ain't Bitter
An Original Monologue by Amy Alls
Lights up on Janine who speaks in a heavy southern accent.
I work with Sadie down at the gift shop aside the Cracker Barrell. Truth be told, I can't stand the woman. She gits on my last nerve with her constant chatterin about anything and everything anyone could never want nor need to hear. I think some of that bleach she been colorin her hair with done sunk into her brain and left an awful hole where smarts oughtta be. See, Sadie figgers she ought to be extra special sweet soundin to everyone even if what she's sayin ain't nothing but bitchin and moanin. Everyone gets that way around Christmas. No matter what they's sayin, they always got to use extra words to break it down gently like. Sadie is like that 24/7/365.
Aside from her messin up the night deposit by tellin customers they get discounts they don't get and overall stickin her nose in everybody's cotton and lace, she up and tells me the other day that I'm just a bitter ol' bitch. Well, I got quiet and just turned my head tryin desperate-like to keep from rippin all that bleached blonde hay out o her head. Then, I composed m'self and said, "Sadie, you don't know a damn thing about me and that's the way I'd like to keep it. But, jest so you know, I ain't no kind of bitter bout nothin."
Sadie didn't say much back. She just sort o rolled over her eyes and turned back to stockin the candy sticks. The next 2 hours was like a year almost, til her husband came to pick her up to take her home.
He came early, I noticed, and I was sure she was going to try to leave for it was the end of her shift, but she kept stockin while I was totalin and ringin. A customer went to her to ask fer some help and her husband stepped aside. She stood up, just as sweet as you please, and kept a smile on her face the whole time she was talkin to the customer. I don't know what she was sayin, it looked kind a like the customer was givin her a hard time, but that wasn't what I was lookin at, really. Mostly, I was just lookin at the way her husband was lookin at her. He was just starin there, like some dumbfounded young teenager looking at something he wasn't allowed to touch. All of the love in the world was right there in that man's eyes and it was all for stupid, candy-coated bleach blonded, bitchy Sadie McHenry.
I felt this heavy feelin right in the pit of my stomach and I lost count o what I was doin. I rung up 2 candy sticks at a discount rate without there bein a discount rate to ring up. Sadie went home with her husband after her shift was over and, as I jerked my way into the dented door of my old, wood-panel colored station wagon, I sat behind the steering wheel and thought about Sadie and the whole day and her husband and then I thought about the t.v. dinner I had left in the frigidaire...I composed myself. I ain't bitter. Sure, I ain't. Not me.
Lights Down
Lights up on Janine who speaks in a heavy southern accent.
I work with Sadie down at the gift shop aside the Cracker Barrell. Truth be told, I can't stand the woman. She gits on my last nerve with her constant chatterin about anything and everything anyone could never want nor need to hear. I think some of that bleach she been colorin her hair with done sunk into her brain and left an awful hole where smarts oughtta be. See, Sadie figgers she ought to be extra special sweet soundin to everyone even if what she's sayin ain't nothing but bitchin and moanin. Everyone gets that way around Christmas. No matter what they's sayin, they always got to use extra words to break it down gently like. Sadie is like that 24/7/365.
Aside from her messin up the night deposit by tellin customers they get discounts they don't get and overall stickin her nose in everybody's cotton and lace, she up and tells me the other day that I'm just a bitter ol' bitch. Well, I got quiet and just turned my head tryin desperate-like to keep from rippin all that bleached blonde hay out o her head. Then, I composed m'self and said, "Sadie, you don't know a damn thing about me and that's the way I'd like to keep it. But, jest so you know, I ain't no kind of bitter bout nothin."
Sadie didn't say much back. She just sort o rolled over her eyes and turned back to stockin the candy sticks. The next 2 hours was like a year almost, til her husband came to pick her up to take her home.
He came early, I noticed, and I was sure she was going to try to leave for it was the end of her shift, but she kept stockin while I was totalin and ringin. A customer went to her to ask fer some help and her husband stepped aside. She stood up, just as sweet as you please, and kept a smile on her face the whole time she was talkin to the customer. I don't know what she was sayin, it looked kind a like the customer was givin her a hard time, but that wasn't what I was lookin at, really. Mostly, I was just lookin at the way her husband was lookin at her. He was just starin there, like some dumbfounded young teenager looking at something he wasn't allowed to touch. All of the love in the world was right there in that man's eyes and it was all for stupid, candy-coated bleach blonded, bitchy Sadie McHenry.
I felt this heavy feelin right in the pit of my stomach and I lost count o what I was doin. I rung up 2 candy sticks at a discount rate without there bein a discount rate to ring up. Sadie went home with her husband after her shift was over and, as I jerked my way into the dented door of my old, wood-panel colored station wagon, I sat behind the steering wheel and thought about Sadie and the whole day and her husband and then I thought about the t.v. dinner I had left in the frigidaire...I composed myself. I ain't bitter. Sure, I ain't. Not me.
Lights Down
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