What I'm Thinking Right Now

An Original Monologue by Amy Alls

Jason: What am I thinking right now? Do you really want to know that? Is that something that really matters at this point in time to you? It’s not that I don’t care what matters to you or that I’m trying to be secretive about my thoughts because I’m NOT. It’s just that the truth is I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING RIGHT NOW. Obviously, NOW I’m thinking about your question and the reasoning behind your question and all of the other questions you ask me. I understand that you’re interested in who I am and what I think about, but I JUST DON’T KNOW. Yet, I wonder if that’s even the reason you asked what I’m thinking. IS it because you want to know about me or is it just because you can’t stand silence and you want to make conversation? Because if you want to make conversation, why don’t you just START a conversation? Start talking about something YOU want to talk about. Honestly, if I had anything to say worth talking about, I’d say it. I usually don’t hold back if I have something to say.

See, it isn’t that I don’t think about things, because I DO. But there are so many things going on in my mind at any given point in time, I don’t bother trying to nail one down. Not even to appease you. No offense, but there isn’t a point to it. Like I said, if I thought whatever I was thinking was worth talking about, I’d talk about it. I think you should do the same thing. I think everyone should do the same thing.

If I’m thinking about how I’d really like to upgrade my computer or the point in the game I’m currently playing where it continuously loops or the fact that I’m almost out of toilet paper or how I think your hair kind of smells like my third grade teacher or how it would be nice to have a bigger television or if I’m wondering what my other friends are doing right now or even if I’m just thinking about how much I’d really just like to go to bed…YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW ALL THAT. Honestly, DO you?

I am the kind of person who is just thinking about whatever is going on NOW. Whether it has anything to do with you or not, my thought process is always about the next moment…not the moment before or even further in the future than the very things that are happening right NOW.

NOW.

So, you see, if you ask me “What are you thinking right now,” I’m going to be thinking about you asking me “What are you thinking right now?” It cancels out any other thoughts I may have been processing at that time. Therefore, that question is very irritating to me. It’s like pointing out that the sky is “up.”

I’m not a planner. I’m not settled. I’m far from it, actually. I don’t live in the past or the future. I live for the moment. At this moment… (Jason walks away).

Lights Down.