Music Box

I don't want to sing anymore.

I feel like a music box
Stored away in a dusty attic
Only taken off the shelf
When someone wants to hear my tune.
And that's not enough
Because
No one wants to hear my tune anymore.
It's the same old song.
The same words
The same tune
The same feelings
Over and over and over again.

Recycled emotion.

I never learn.
One mistake after another and
I'm still failing.

Still the dusty music box
Broken
Playing the same warped, sad tune
As if there were no other tunes
No other songs to play in the whole world.

My world is the only world I know
And there's only one song playing.

I don't want to sing anymore.

Poetry Submission #7

(another old one)

I’m trying so hard not to fall
I’m clinging so tightly to my senses
My defenses are weakened by the words we share
The thoughtful stare in your eyes

If only I could be stronger
If only I could pretend
Try not to offend and chase you away
Just get through the end of the day

Walking the edge of romance
Balancing invisible lines
Tempting those binds to be broken at last
Freeing our hearts to love

But I’m trying so hard not to fall
I’m clinging ever tightly to my senses
My defenses are hopelessly weakened by you and
That thoughtful stare in your eyes

Freeing my heart to love

Yeah, That's Me. So What?

A Self-Portrait in Words by Amy Alls

I like to stay up all night drinking double gulps of cherry coke and playing video games.
I pick my nose.
I throw my clothes on the floor in front of the closet.
I would just as soon throw dishes away than wash them.
I am short.
I think geeks are hot.
I blast my music in the car while singing and dancing to whatever music is playing.
I dance even though I don’t know how.
I am loud.
I almost always say the absolute wrong thing.
I have the attention span of a gnat.
I get really excited when I spell something correctly and I am an excellent speller.
I have Googled myself…more than once.
I don’t care if I have onion or garlic breath.
I am out of shape.
I overanalyze everything.
I take pictures of myself.
I have gorgeous eyes.
I dye my hair so people will say something about it.
I have an irrational fear of the elderly.
I don’t understand “dating.”
I have never had a healthy romantic relationship.
I take my dreams way too seriously.
I am an extremely loyal friend IF I let my guard down enough to let someone in.
I admit that every single one of my songs is autobiographical.
I believe I have a gift for comedic writing.
I know I can sing.
I often confuse love with indigestion.
I take way too much personally.
I love laughing and I have an incredible laugh.
I am a different person with almost everyone and rarely completely myself.
I use people and, in turn, allow people to use me.
I make bad decisions.
I make good choices.
I love change because it’s the only constant in my life.
I do not love easily.
I am not a good listener.
I’m better at communicating indirectly than directly.
I say silly things to avoid telling the truth.
I love painting things.
I go days without eating because I have a terrible memory.
I spend money I don’t have.
I play stupid.
I can do whatever I set my mind to.

What I'm Thinking Right Now

An Original Monologue by Amy Alls

Jason: What am I thinking right now? Do you really want to know that? Is that something that really matters at this point in time to you? It’s not that I don’t care what matters to you or that I’m trying to be secretive about my thoughts because I’m NOT. It’s just that the truth is I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING RIGHT NOW. Obviously, NOW I’m thinking about your question and the reasoning behind your question and all of the other questions you ask me. I understand that you’re interested in who I am and what I think about, but I JUST DON’T KNOW. Yet, I wonder if that’s even the reason you asked what I’m thinking. IS it because you want to know about me or is it just because you can’t stand silence and you want to make conversation? Because if you want to make conversation, why don’t you just START a conversation? Start talking about something YOU want to talk about. Honestly, if I had anything to say worth talking about, I’d say it. I usually don’t hold back if I have something to say.

See, it isn’t that I don’t think about things, because I DO. But there are so many things going on in my mind at any given point in time, I don’t bother trying to nail one down. Not even to appease you. No offense, but there isn’t a point to it. Like I said, if I thought whatever I was thinking was worth talking about, I’d talk about it. I think you should do the same thing. I think everyone should do the same thing.

If I’m thinking about how I’d really like to upgrade my computer or the point in the game I’m currently playing where it continuously loops or the fact that I’m almost out of toilet paper or how I think your hair kind of smells like my third grade teacher or how it would be nice to have a bigger television or if I’m wondering what my other friends are doing right now or even if I’m just thinking about how much I’d really just like to go to bed…YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW ALL THAT. Honestly, DO you?

I am the kind of person who is just thinking about whatever is going on NOW. Whether it has anything to do with you or not, my thought process is always about the next moment…not the moment before or even further in the future than the very things that are happening right NOW.

NOW.

So, you see, if you ask me “What are you thinking right now,” I’m going to be thinking about you asking me “What are you thinking right now?” It cancels out any other thoughts I may have been processing at that time. Therefore, that question is very irritating to me. It’s like pointing out that the sky is “up.”

I’m not a planner. I’m not settled. I’m far from it, actually. I don’t live in the past or the future. I live for the moment. At this moment… (Jason walks away).

Lights Down.

A Waiting Poem

(Written approximately 4-5 years ago?)
By Amy Alls

The sun did rise the third day
Yet there came no reply
She waited still with bated breath
And not one teary eye

She knew his promise would be fulfilled
His words would make their way
Across the space and time once lost
An echo of yesterday

Never did she doubt his oath
Or question his intention
She held fast still, tho’ time ticked on
Foreshadowing rejection

The silence beat upon her heart
A bloody rhapsody
Deafening her with blasts of doubt
A mournful symphony

Her heart, it did not shatter once
Though many thoughts had tried
To carry her away to darkness
And challenge her fragile pride

The sun may rise thrice more before
She hears his words again
Yet, still she’ll wait with bated breath
‘Til the day she meets her end