You Take the Good, You Take the Bad...

I had a good day at work today. I wrote a play for the kids to perform and we had this huge potluck/program for the parents. It was really successful. I even feel like I got recognized by my superiors for the stuff I've worked on. But, what's on MY mind? I'm crying because I can't share any of this with my best friend. I can't sleep because I wish he knew that I am capable of accomplishing something and maybe he would think I'm worth something...more than trash. I had years to prove to him that I was worth something and I failed. I finally finish something...work really hard on it...and he's gone. Plus, Thanksgiving is coming up. Our first Thanksgiving in our apartment, we made a full spread. I don't know why we did it, but we did. Then we lazed around while watching Shaolin Soccer and I gave him tickets to a Better Than Ezra concert he could go to while he was visiting his parents over Christmas. He was so happy, he actually teared up. He crawled across the couch to my spot and tackled me with the tightest hug. I made him happy that day. Because he usually got to go to visit his family over Christmas and New Years, Thanksgiving was often our "Christmas." We would almost always argue, at least one thing would go totally wrong with the food or something--but we spent that holiday together just like any "normal" family. It wasn't so great the last 2 years he was here, but he was here, so... I want to just turn it all off. I want the memories gone. I want all of it just erased. Just like he erased me.