Chick Magnets in "SWEET MANGO EINSTEIN!"

An Original Thing By: Amy Alls

Sam and Ed are in a tree house in the backyard of their Grandmother’s house. They have assembled what looks to be a handmade telescope out of popsicle sticks and a magnifying glass. Ed is on the edge of a branch attempting to adjust the “viewing cube” a certain way while Sam braces the back of the branch to make sure it doesn’t break.
Sam-Is it time yet?

Ed-Almost. I just have to set this up at the right angle.

Sam-Well, hurry up! I can only challenge gravity for so long! Pretty soon, this branch is going to break, and you’ll be as broken as that pile of sticks down there.

Ed-Okay, I can see the horses.

Sam-We’re not looking for the horses. We’re looking for Mrs. Robertson.

Ed-Well, we’re still not facing the right direction, I guess. Maybe I should lean farther to the left.

Sam(whining)-Any farther to the left and you said you saw nothing but hay!

Ed-Okay, Tarzan. If you think this is so easy, then why don’t YOU do it?!! I’ve had enough! I’m getting down. This was your idea, anyway! Climb this thing yourself, King of the Perverts!

Sam-Fine. Hand me the viewing cube. Sweet Mango Einstein, we’ve got—(gulp)

Ed-Can you see her? (off in his own world, Ed begins to make motions with his hands as if he is tracing the figure of Mrs. Robertson) Her long, red, curly hair, her creamy ivory skin, her—

Sam-—Old—

Ed- —Round—

Sam-—Gray—

Ed-—Supple—

Sam-—Balding—

Ed-—Bouncing—

Sam-—Wrinkly—

Ed-—Brea—Huh??!!

Sam-Too far to the right.

Ed-What are you talking about??!

Sam-She’s not sleeping.

Ed-Who’s not sleeping?

Sam-(beat) Grammy?

Ed-Sam, what, in the name of all that is Holy, does THAT have to do with—

Sam-Grandma.

Ed-“Grandma” what??! What about—NO.

Sam-Electric Blue—

Ed-Stop. You’re kidding. That’s not—

Sam-Underwire bra.

Ed-Funny—Sam, give me that.

Sam, stunned, doesn’t hand over the viewing cube. He’s still and staring.

Sam-(gulp) Dr. Mike?

Ed-Dr. Mike mows the lawn every Saturday.

Sam-I don’t think that’s what he’s doing right now. It looks like he’s taking care
of a different…um…lawn today.

Ed-You’re making even less sense now than you were before. I don’t believe you. Give me that!

Ed grabs the viewing cube and pulls Sam off of the branch back into the tree house. Then, he adjusts himself to keep from falling and looks into the viewing cube.

Ed-See? Dr. Mike is just bringing Grammy some some oranges and—EINSTEIN, DARWIN AND NEWTON, WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITH THOSE APPLES??

Sam- —and the kiwi. Did you see the kiwi?

Ed-Now, THAT can NOT be healthy! Who knows what kind of infections you can get from that??!!

Sam-Worms.

Ed-No, worms are the least of their worries.

Sam-Inch worms.

Ed-Inch worms aren’t that kind of—

Sam-NO. LOOK CLOSER.

Ed-OH MY GOD!!! THOSE ARE HIS—AND WHAT IS GRAMMY DOING WITH HER—

Ed looks away from the cube for a moment and covers his mouth as if he’s going to be sick.

Sam-Ssh. What was that?

Ed-What was what?

Sam-I thought I heard something.

Ed-It was probably just one of the horses or something.

Sam-No, it was more like a—a howling.

Ed looks back into the viewing cube.

Ed-Oh. (gulp)

Sam-What now?

Ed-You don’t want to know.

An hour later, the boys are in their Grandmother’s kitchen.

Grammy-Good evening, sugar bears! Dr. Mike brought us a basket of flowers and yummy fruit! Come on and have some!!

Lights Down

The End

"CHICK MAGNETS IN: 'SWEET MANGO EINSTEIN!'" IS COPYWRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED OR PERFORMED IN ANY WAY WITHOUT THE EXPRESSED PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.