"Normal"

UN-deleted my blog so I have somewhere to type my feelings. Maybe the Russians will start reading my words again? Things are "fine." I'm almost back on my feet financially. Work is what I do with most of my time, but it's not bad. I should be happy, right? I should at least be content. The truth is that I feel like I'm working my ass off toward something, but I have no idea what "something" is. There's nothing I'm really working toward except for the whole trying to keep a roof over my head thing. Since I'm succeeding at that so far, you'd think I wouldn't keep pushing so hard--rushing through every day like I have something to look forward to when I know damn well that I do not have anything to look forward to. I guess this is what "normal" people do to survive? Most normal folks have other people in their lives to think about. I don't have anyone and I'm terrified to even think about the possibility of introducing anyone else into my life. What kind of life is that? Is that living at all?