Suck it, 2011.

Last New Years Eve, I was told I was going to get to bring in the new year with my "best friend." He lied. He never came home that night. He spent it with his girlfriend, which, in retrospect, makes more sense. But, he really built me up to make me think he was going to be here with me for the first time in our then 5 year friendship. See, he had been laid up with a broken ankle over the holidays and I'd been waiting on him hand and foot during that time and spending New Years Eve with me was supposed to be my "reward" of sorts--he went so far as to say his girlfriend wasn't even in town because she had recently had surgery and was supposedly staying with her parents. I believed him whole-heartedly like the complete idiot I am. Yes, 2011 began with a huge lie and a broken heart and the lies and the broken-ness didn't go anywhere. It actually got worse, if you can believe that. All the whining aside, I can't remember much else from the year. I quit my corporate drone job and took a massive pay cut to work with kids so I could be happier. I injured my ankle a whole crap-load of times--as well as my back and other various body parts. I've been sick for approximately 6 out of the last 7 months with one illness or another (working with kids will do that). I lost my "best friend" who I thought was like family to me, but really just apparently flat out hated me so much that he conspired with his equally soulless girlfriend to really just destroy my life--BUT I'VE SURVIVED so far I guess...I still don't know where my rent money is going to come from or my food or my dog's food or electricity... I'm working a full time and a part time job, but still have reluctantly had to accept hand-outs from very kind people who I'm not sure how/when I'm going to be able to pay back while my "best friend" gets to have his perfect life with his "happily ever after" and everything he ever asked for--well, you know what? GOOD FOR HIM. Maybe people can just hurt people and do whatever the fuck they want in life and they never ever have to deal with any consequences. Maybe the whole "what goes around comes around thing" is just something some sad sack came up with to justify some bullshit that happened to them. Because, from where I'm standing, trying to do the right thing doesn't really get anyone anywhere. On the brighter side of things, I worked my ass off at a job that pays me virtually nothing besides self-satisfaction (which is actually pretty great except for the whole being poor part). I wrote a play that a group of kids loved participating in and peforming. I was the December "Caregiver of the Month" and the first time I see my name in lights is on a daycare sign. I started dating and that was a complete disaster because I can't FEEL anymore--which is probably a good thing, because my feelings have only ever gotten me into trouble. All of that said, thank you to God or the universe or whatever for letting me get this far. I'm doing the best I can and I'm still ok. Things could be (and likely will be) a lot worse than they are right now. Never ever forget that.