A Smile In Your Voice

An Original Monologue by: Amy Alls

Monologue should be delivered with a huge smile throughout its entirety.

Call Center Representative-I work in the call center for a multi-million dollar corporation. I have a 100% average in overall quality scores for customer service and sales. This, of course, means I have no soul. Call center jobs are the easiest to obtain for young people with slightly above average intelligence and no college degree. What they don’t tell you when they’re smiling, shaking your hand and promising job security with a decent paycheck as soon as you sign on the dotted line is, you are now the official bitch of the American public. After anywhere from 2 weeks to, in some cases, 3 months of mind-numbingly boring and unnecessarily repetitious training, you will join the ranks of the proverbial front line of modern day customer service. I say “modern day” because technology has afforded us all the luxury of never having to leave our homes for any reason whatsoever.

You will learn how to say “Thank you for calling…” every 3 to 5 minutes directly after you hear the sound of a loud beep in your ear, not unlike that of an alarm clock. More importantly, if you are successful, you will give the impression that you actually like it by always having a smile in your voice.

At first, you may feel somewhat empowered in a way because you are making the world a better place by helping people with insignificant problems they shouldn’t have to take the time to leave their home to worry about with everything that’s going on in the world in this day and age. As time goes on, you’ll get used to answering the same questions over and over and over and over again—sometimes from the same people.

Soon, you’re just going through the motions. The upbeat tone in your voice becomes normal to the point that even your closest friends think you’re a happier person because there’s always a big, comforting smile on your face. You answer the phone at your home, “Thank you for calling”—and then let out a nervous laugh when you realize (laughs nervously) “I’m not at work.”

You go into work day after day numbing yourself more and more until you’ve forgotten what it’s like to express your true feelings. You start to remember what it was like to be able to get up and go to the bathroom without having to ask permission to get off the phone. You start to think about the feeling of actually telling your waitress she brought out the wrong order or there was a bug on it. Memories of your high school government teacher flood your mind as you recall the first amendment of the constitution, the necessity of money and big, multi-million dollar corporations sucking the blood and marrow out of the very essence of the American Way.

Work is no longer just a paycheck. It’s a reason to start a full-scale, political and, if needs be, violent revolution to overcome the massive, soulless vampire sweeping through the nation! It won’t be long until that beep every 3 to 5 minutes triggers a Pavlovian response of sheer, unadulterated anarchy pulsing through your over-worked, sleep-deprived, excessively caffeinated veins sending you into a violent frenzy resulting in the necessary smashing of one outdated, overused, annoying, numberless little box (BEEP)—

Thank you for calling customer support! This is Amy. How may I help you today?

Lights Down.

End.

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